The Wonder of the New and the Pain of the Old Transforming.
Ohhh life can be and is so unpredictable. I suppose it is it's pure unpredictability that really makes this journey so exciting and at times, heart wrenching. To sit, squarely in the middle of things getting so exciting on one side and so intensely heart wrenching on the other side, simultaneously, it really gives the emotional field a constant roller coaster ride within!!
I bounced out of bed yesterday, so excited to share the readings, the understandings, but equally the growing experiences here in my world. As soon as I sat down to my computer, my sister sent me a text. My dad was taken back to the hospital by ambulance. My bounce turned into a leaking puddle pooling up on the floor. My dad would not willingly go anywhere by ambulance. This is not a good turn of events.
But, let's kick this sharing off with a bounce. The afternoon of the 28th, I was sitting on my couch contemplating the twists of energetic life, when suddenly I seen this figure move by my back door. Out of my peripheral vision, I seen what looked like a large, chunky sort of man, dressed very much like a monk with a hood on, the material of his cloak tho, was much lighter brown, leaning more towards a tan color. He was leaning against the wall at the back door and his movement was like he stood up and maybe bowed forward. The moment I looked at him straight on, he was gone. However, he left me an amazing parting gift. Standing at my back door, profile view stance, head bent down as if looking at the ground, was a full body Jorge. He was so clear, so real looking I took a double take, and he was still there. Well, just holy shit!! It has been what feels like forever since Jorge showed up anywhere in my world and here he is, what seems so randomly, in full body view. For those who forget what my beloved Jorge looks like (and for those just tuning in, Jorge is a part of my meditation and he claims to be thembodiment of my Masculine consciousness, living an embodied life in a place called Planethious (spelled phonetically.) But here is a picture I found some time ago of a Canadian actor that resembles him to the T:
He did have clothes on, jeans and a brightly colored shirt. I think a nekked Jorge would have given me a heart attack on the spot!! lol Yummy! Can you imagine, I didn't even try to talk to him this day. I think I was waiting to see what he was doing or going to do, or why he was leaning up against my back door all shy like. His presence stayed there for the better part of two hours then faded.
On the 29th, on and off all day long, there he was again. Thank god he faded while I was doing the readings, because I would have been seriously distracted on where I place my vision. But once the day was over and I sat in the wonder of the revelations of the day, he seemed more real, more solid than the day before. There was actual movement to him, the day prior he never really moved, just leaned. Even tho this day, he never stopped the "leaning" on my back door, I could see him smile now and again, move his head and that long black hair swayed gently with his movement.
I finally asked him, do you want to come in?? He never really answered that question, but it did open up a conversation. Instead, he seemed to answer a larger question that must have been pasted on my forehead.... yes he was real, but not like I think of real. He is not human, he chose this body and this appearance because of the appeal factor it has with me. He reminded me he is not from earth, but way out in the universe and as he said that, he made a motion with his head that pointed towards the south area of the field or really, my back yard. With that head point thing, I also felt very much, he came with family and they were nearby... somewhere.
He said he said he has come for now, to ready my consciousness. To know he is coming, to know he is not human, but will look and feel very much like a human and he flashed a sudden memory of the movie "star man." My first response was shock, please don't kill anyone to have their body!! He smiled and in the most amazing moment, he showed me, geez, hard to put into words, but what was beneath his body. Light. An amazing field of vibrant light. He reminded me also, of a conversation we had in my bathtub what seems like a long while ago, that where he comes from, they do not have a solid body. Instead, they are consciousness. Packages (so to speak) of individuated masses of energy that can take on any form they desire without harming anything in the created universes.
He did say it was not time for him to come into the house yet (probably due to my freak out factor.)
Right about 5 pm I got this overwhelming feeling to go visit the river. With camera in hand, I did. I took a series of pictures of the landscape ravaged by floods and raging river from all the rains this monsoon season. I was amazed to see, the crystal cluster that was on the ground near the river, was still there. Along with a child's little doll. Everything really seemed so lush, the river still high but not raging like it had been, when suddenly I felt this call to take a picture directly into the sun. I snapped two pictures, clueless of anything I might be capturing, the sun was intensely bright without a cloud in the sky to tame it's rays.
When I came back to the house and loaded the images into my camera, I about shit. The first sun picture I took:
That semi circle around the sun cannot be a sun dog. It's shape is not encircling the sun at all, it is actually smaller if you trace it's curves. Equally, there is something being brightly reflected at the very very top of this picture in the center. It is not a part of the sun rays, nor is it visible in the picture what the light could be bouncing off of.
The moment I seen this picture, I had and still have a very very deep feeling this is where Jorge's head nod went to, really. Not a distance place out in the universe, but a place much closer to home.
It would take me thru today to really get the significance of the second picture I took of the sun:
There is a bend in the energy field, to the right in this image. Again, it is only this morning that I hear, that I know, it was/is Jorge showing up to get his picture taken.
All of this, and more, was on my agenda to share with you yesterday. But I equally realize, it would have been a very incomplete story without the entirety of yesterday unfolding.
I had a feeling when I booked my flight to Pennsylvania for the 19th of October, that time, which seemed so close when I booked it, my dad just may not be on this side of the veil when I get there. I breathed that thought away. Steadied myself into assuring myself he would be and left it at that.
When I talked to my step mom this past week, that feeling came up again. She told me that my dad was having a very hard time bouncing back from his recent ICU hospital stay. It was the text yesterday morning from my sister that got me out of denial. Funny how easy it is to revert back to that place. However, I was not diving in head first into the reality my dad may be at his last few yards of life, forget the last mile. The feeling inside grew, not subsided.
I went onto frontiers website, looking to change my flight once again. Man, Frontier needs to get some more planes in the air. They only fly into Wilmington Delaware once a week so I could either change my flight to (today) October 1st or wait until the 8th. When I clicked on the 1st to see how much the change is going to cost me, the freakin flight was sold out. Well just shit. The 8th felt terribly far away.
I pouted. I rationed to myself, if I have to wait til the 8th, I might as well wait until the 19th. I am not going to make any changes until I heard something, anything about my fathers present condition.
I sat here, stunned, saddened... knowing. Death has a very particular feeling. I have felt it for more friends in these last several months than I care to talk about and within weeks, the transition happened. Let me just point out too, from the one transitioning, the feeling is actually so positive, soooo... welcomed. The last time anyone in my close human life transitioned to the other side... geez, it was my ex-inlaws years ago and they had sat waiting years to leave. Not that they were sick really, just waiting to die. I rejoiced when it started happening. I was glad for them.
As I started my day of rescheduling (sigh) I finally mustered the energy/desire to go feed the birds. When I opened my back door, I just stopped in my tracks. What the hell??
See that heap over there by the tree in the back, that's my flipping garbage!! That garbage was at the front of the house in a plastic garbage can. What the hell? I walked over to the heap, looking for tracks, claw marks, paw marks, hell drag marks on the ground... nothing, except a very tidy heap of opened, rumaged thru, garbage. I went back to the garbage can, it was laying down on it's side, but no evidence of how it could have possibly been moved from front to back. Let me tell you how strange this all is. I line my plastic garbage can with a large, black, lawn and leaf trash bag, then place my smaller white kitchen garbage bags in the liner. I have to pay per bag when I go to the dump, this gets me three bags for the price of one. The black lawn and leaf bag was not tied up yet, it was still open and lining the trash can itself.
I took a video of the distance this bag had to travel without spilling any contents at all in the move:
I ran and got my landlady, just to witness this strange event. Maybe she had a clue. Nope, we both stood there staring at the trash, jaws open. In the past, the dogs that tore up Daisy have torn up my trash, but always in place. Right at the garbage can area. There was no way those dogs could have possibly drug my trash and kept it all in the black back, hell even remove the black bag since it was still being used as a liner without making a front yard to back yard mess. Some had suggested a bear. The bear would have had to, take the liner out carefully, and then walk on its hind legs from front to back. Maybe it was a very talented, very very smart bear... I don't think so.
On my way back into my home to actually feed the birds, I noticed the most amazing orange feather at my feet:
I know every bird, squirrel, bunny that feeds in the back yard. Not once, not ever, have we had anything even remotely orange show up. Someone on facebook said it was a Flicker feather from its wing. I looked up flickers, unmistakable and beautiful birds, I have never seen one here tho. I always get excited when new types of birds show up to feed, even for a moment. The Flicker kepts its bird body from my view I suppose, and left me a parting gift.
The moment I picked it up, I got this feeling... a combination of feelings really. Orange is the sacral chakra, back in the old energy body, it would represent family, since any family connections start in the womb. I looked back at my garbage. This garbage was ready to go to the dump on Saturday, I just didn't feel like going there (procrastination) so I figured I would wait til Wednesday to go (the dump is only open on Saturdays and Wednesdays.)
I felt such a twang of my own procrastination coming home to roost. But why from the front yard to this place in particular. That place is where my etheric "tree of life" has been growing since the day my blue eyed man arrived at my front door last year. It is also a place that I put all the crystals I had dug up in Arkansas this past summer and they have no desire to be moved. To me, this is the holiest place in my back yard and now there is freakin trash there. Old used up energy.
I thought about my procrastination with my dad, a part of my living family tree that made his way back into my life, into my heart just last year after a 36 year estrangement.
I had said in the last few weeks that I buried my dad a long time ago when I was a young teenager. I feel like in this last year, we dug him up from the grave, I allowed myself to fall so madly in love with him again, actually, for the first time in this lifetime... and I will be burying him for a second time, eventually. And very much like my exposed trash, I could see who he was, who he is and we all have some buried trash we are not too ready to expose, and yet, that is what makes us human. As hard as it is to let him go a second time around, I am beyond grateful to have known who he really is and what has made him tick.
I was getting the connection and the kick in the ass with my own messy procrastination (but I still cannot fathom how my trash transported itself.) I got back online and started looking for alternate flights with Frontier. La Guardia was a choice as was Reagan-Washington. Both cost: $333.90 I just stared at the cost. 333 with a 9 hanging out for the whole story. I looked up the distance between each airport and my dads house... a 3 hour and 5 hour drive respectively. I got out my calculator, I already paid $214 for the fair on the 19th... the difference: $119.90 I so wish I could ignore what is so absolutely visible. 11:99 Illumination and completion. 333 christed energy, incorporating a single 3 of action and communication followed by that pesky 9 pf completion and the 0 of unlimited potential. I prayed, if I move on this feeling, Frontier would be kind enough to wave the additional $75 change fee, especially since I just paid it to change my date from the 24th to the 19th. I called them, semi-ready to book the La Guardia flight and knowing there is only 2 seets open. They wouldn't budge about that $75 change fee even a little. Just shit. I told her I would call her back.
I rummaged thru my money, once again screwing my car payment. I almost had enough to get that paid (which was due last week) and once again, I have to take from there to get myself to my father. Suddenly, I heard his accidental three way call to me and a bill collector... spirit has a way of making sure humor comes in thru even the hardest of moments.
OK, not to work out where to travel from, car rental is next on my list to explore. Holy shit what a huge cost difference between La Guardia ($50) and Reagan-Washington ($120) La Guardia it is, especially since it is also 2 hours closer as well. I called frontier... dammit, all seats are sold out now. Well just shit. I was going to just bite the bullet and book it when I called about the $75, but didn't. Procrastination.
Now I am squishing my money together to figure out how to get a car rental, which without a major credit card comes with a $200 hold in the bank plus the fee of the car rental. I just don't have it, and the $200 it is going to cost me for the air fare. Let me tell you, call the car rental companies, don't book online. They give you more information and a better deal than even the best price online. For those who may not have known this (I didn't) if you reserve your car with a visa debit card, they do not hold anything in reserve, if you book with a mastercard, they hold $200. You know I used my visa bank card!!! But I am ahead of myself....
I am sitting here, teetering back and forth on going or waiting... the universe will move heaven and earth to get you where you need to go. Suddenly, all my emails on my phone started to reappear. I have two email accounts where I use my name as my address, gmail and ymail, I have two other email accounts where I do not use my name as my address. The two accounts that use my name, 25 deleted emails suddenly showed back up as if new on my phone. What the hell? I went form 0 new messages to 50. Pesky 5, split in two accounts (duality.) I deleted them and then my gmail said... oh hell no, and brought them all back to my phone again. But this time, it equally did so on my computer screen too.
I get it... just like the flipping garbage, the old becoming new, in a new way. I have got to do what I need to do to finish this story without regret.
I called frontier again. Within 30 minutes of my freakin procrastination time, all La Guardia flights are now sold out. Well holy flipping shit batman. I do not have enough money for the car rental and the Washington flight. I will call back. There were plenty of seats left and the lady assured me they will not sell out in an hour. Phew. I gotta squeeze some pennies to make this happen.
I called Budget directly. That's when I found out about visa and mastercard, and now even tho the rental is twice as much, if I do not have to worry about a 200 hold, this can happen. Then she burst my expanding bubble of excitement when she said, they will do a credit check. What???? I a renting the freakin car not buying it!! Don't matter. I am screwed. Well just fuck a duck.
I called Frontier back, begging once again to wave the $75 fee... ain't happening. Screw it, I will walk to PA if I have to. I was ready to commit to Reagan-Washington when another tragedy happened. In the less than 30 minutes it took me to call them back, the fair had increased and extra $125. I lost it, hung up and cried my freakin eyes out.
Procrastination. Hesitation. Listening to my freakin head instead of my gut. I am officially screwed and I screwed myself!!
I had me a good, soul cleansing cry, mustered sheer will from my toes to my heart, got back online again and pulled up frontier one more time. I can fly into La Guardia on Thursday. My gut said no, don't wait. Priceline flashed in my face. I pulled up priceline, shit flights were at minimum $400. Shit. Ok I will name my own price, I plugged in $185 and held my breath. If this doesn't work out, I will never ever forgive myself. I about shit when American Airlines took mercy on this soul and approved my flight. OMG I WILL get to love on my daddy and nothing else matters.
I called Avis and they hooked me up with a car rental cheaper than I was getting online.
Of course, had I gone with all my first moments, I would have been getting into my dads world, even with the drive, no later than midnight tonight. But thanx to my procrastination, I arrive in La Guardia at 11:20pm and the 3 hour drive will put me at my dads house about 3am.
If I can ask two things from all of you... send light to the folks at the Avis counter, they too do a credit check, in which, I will fail (failed last year on xmas eve) and send me coffee filled energy to keep me awake on my treck from NYC to the Pocono Mountains of PA. I need both, desperately!!
On that note, I must get ready for my journey. I am postponing ALL readings for now. I have emailed everyone on today and tomorrows schedule and will get another email out for those on the rest of this week. You can either choose to go into my reschedule zone and book a new appointment for my arrival in Virginia (after the 27th) or wait and see how long I may be in Pennsylvania. No matter what, I will be going to VA at my already scheduled time (the 24th.)
I will keep you posted thru this blog and my facebook... thank you all so very very much for loving me, supporting me, holding my heart together thru this intense time in my life. I feel you and trust me, your love holds me steady. Thank you so much for Being and Loving me so unconditionally!! I love you that much back too!!
(((((HUGZ))))) of gratitude, drenched in Love.