Love Transcended... A New Day Begins.
On November 15th, 2013 at 4:55 am, my precious father gently released the last breaths of this world. A gift unto my heart like nothing that will ever be again. But my fathers soul started to divvy out the gifts days before.
Monday the 10th, his pain level started to increase, we cracked open the morphine! OMG it was so funny to see him so completely stoned. He was so funny and so happy, I had wished I knew him when we were both "drinkers," it would have been so much fun to throw back a few beers with him, but those times were for other people in his life.
My father seemed to have so much life in him, I started my own little inner nagging worry's about my own life and the financial responsibilities that go around it. I didn't even have enough money left to get a plane ticket back home. Suddenly for the next two days, Dec 3rd kept coming into my mind as the date I should go back to New Mexico, which, by looking at my father, seemed incredibly too soon a date, but it got me out of my head and I was ok catching up with one month of bills.
On Tuesday, he woke up with such spunk, I was singing praises to the makers of morphine. He had so much extra energy in his body that he took himself out to the kitchen and let his incredible wife, Linda, give him a sink bath, washed his hair, he even trimmed his own beard and mustache. He was looking so dapper I made sure I took a picture:
I had ordered the talkumentary with Eben Alexander (author of Proof of Heaven) and Dr Moody (who spent decades documenting people's NDE experiences) so that my father would have a perspective other than my own about what lays on the other side of the veil for him. I put this DVD on shortly after his bath and we have great lively debates on what is or is not going to happen. I told him, wait, when you pass and are chilling on the ceiling looking at us, I am gonna tell you "I told you so." I did get to do just that, but I will get to that part.
Wednesday morning I was able to take a meditation bath. I took into meditation the question of my fathers timeline on this earth plane, the reply and the way it was given, confused me sort of. My own inner chatter wasn't completely squelched when I was suddenly on a small cloud sitting with my father above his body. I was shocked. We both looked down at his sleeping self making silly comments to each other, when suddenly, we decided to take a trip to New Mexico together. Still on our own little cloud together, at the speed of thought, we were hovering at my front door. It was dark in my home, but our entrance into it lit it up enough that I could see all the dust that awaits my return. I even told my dad "geez, I have so much cleaning to do when I get back." I took him on a tour of my humble little abode and decided, since we are on a cloud, let's go see the Mesa. We could see the energy wheel my beloved friend Andrea created when she came in for the Gathering in July.
Some of the rocks were wind blown out of place, so I made a note to go fix them in the spring when suddenly and again, so unexpectedly... light happened!!
There was a large beam of light that suddenly turned on and was penetrating the direct center of this wheel. Six other beams of light, tho skinnier, surrounded the outer circle and suddenly I was seeing the six other universes that Jorge showed me a week or so ago that was assisting earth and all her creatures in our accent of Light. As I watched this light show, suddenly the beams of light merged together and formed a yellow arc (until this moment, all the beams were intensely white) and connected into the fullness of my home.
I was then told that the electromagnetic field of earth and the sun and all supporting universes are changing. I was and is important for me to not be in this place as it goes thru its supper intense upgrade and I will need adjustment time when I do return.
The next thing I know, we were back above my father's body, still sleeping on his bed, when suddenly his spirit guides started to take his energy field that surrounded his body and started pulling on it like taffy. I watched as the familiar watery human spirit energy sphere changed into a thick yellow-gold color. I also realized as they were doing that, they were thinning out his "earthly" energy and becoming more pure spirit. "Prepping him."
When I bounced my way down the steps to share my incredible experience with my dad, I was half surprised to see him sitting up talking to one of my sisters. I couldn't get the words out of my mouth fast enough that he and I just went to my home in New Mexico and he looked at me with those eyes that says so clearly "you're crazy girl" and even uttered it out loud. God I so love my dad!!
Little did any of us realize, these precious, precious moments were going to be our last completely coherent ones together. When he awoke on Wednesday morning, he had one foot firmly and completely planted behind the veil. At 9am, when his wife made her regularly scheduled phone call from work, as he hung up the phone he said "She is going to be OK." This has been a huge worry for him and suddenly, he voiced it out loud and released his worry, I knew... he is making arrangements to go home. But I really had no flipping clue that time was so damn close!
As he got off the phone with the love of his life, he kept repeating over and over "We did it" in a celebratory fashion. I looked at him and agreed, you did and you did it so well! He looked at me and smiled and simply said something that seemed so out of left field: "But there are so many lost people on this earth." What an odd thing to say. I had to agree with him, but with a shred of hope.... Thank god for the guiding lights that are here on earth and will help them. He smiled so big and agreed. I gave him his morphine and he laid down to sleep, awaking at 11 am in such an intense state of pain, so much more than I had ever seen him have. He spent the rest of the day in and out of intense pain, very little recognition of who was around him, but, not without bits of clarity. We upped his morphine doses and he slept most of the day, except when those bouts of head pain came again. We knew his brain cancer took a hold of him and so flipping fast!
It is funny how our own bodies are programmed to do what it needs to assist and make sure there is sufficient energy to get things done. By 5:30 that night, it was all I could do to stay awake. Sleep was over coming my body so hard that when I went up to go to the bathroom, my bed sucked me into it. I knew Linda was down with dad and he would be ok. I fell fast asleep until just after midnight Thursday morning. I had this overwhelming desire to go down stairs to check on dad, even tho i knew Linda was there near him. She started sleeping downstairs the very day he was released from the hospital last time, but something in me told me to get up and check on my dad. He was sitting up and moaning from the pain in his head.
I sat next to him and I could feel my own heart open up and release a flood gate of love energy to him. It was nothing intentional on my part, it just happened, and I could feel it, as if it was liquid energy pouring out of my own Self into him. I got out the morphine, the adavan, the Oxycontin,, none of it was even touching him... I gave him more morphine and a couple oxycodones. It took a while, but he finally succumbed to sleep, at least for a very brief couple hours. When he awoke again, the pain in his head was so intense, none of his drug touched it. Linda agreed it was time to admit him into in-patient hospice. At 9 am on Thursday, my father was in the ambulance en route to the very same place my first two children were born. It was no longer Mercy Hospital, but now a part of Geisinger hospital, but there was something special about the fact that my first real experience with true, unconditional love... the birth of my son (my first child) was going to be the same place the most consciousness unconditional love of my life was going to make his exit. A father who taught me more about life, love and living in the last 18 months than he could have ever done over the 51 years I have been on this earth.
The shear pain this man was in.... and the gracefulness in which he endured it, will humble me for the rest of my days. His hospice room was overflowing with family. 6 of his own children, 4 step children, lots of grandchildren and every one of you.
I cannot tell you enough how much your prayers, your LOVE is felt. On Wednesday, a beloved friend sent me a love filled hug she felt I needed, which created an avalanche of others sending love too. Let me tell you, the moment that avalanche started, on one of the most pain intense days of my fathers life, it steadied him. It truly made a very visible difference in him, in us. Thank you for being there, for being 100 times more powerful and more effective than any dose of morphine could ever be.
Once we got to dads room at the in-patient hospice center, his eyes were glazed over. It reminded me of when a child is first-born, except in reverse. A childs eyes are adjusting to life in the physical, a person transitioning back Home is adjusting to life in the Light of Love and it shows.
Thursday evening, my dad did some things that will never ever leave my heart...
Just about everytime I walked into the room and my dad was awake, I would sing three words (cuz I didn't know the rest) "ohhhh my papa..." several days ago, we talked about that song and he even knew the rest of the words to that line ...."to me he was so wonderful," and he told me it was an eddie fisher song.... my reply was... who?? lol
As the pain waves were hitting my dad, I just sung those three words again and laughed and asked him if he could help me remember the rest. He had not been very present most of the day, and for that, i really was thankful... but cried when he mumbled/sang "to me he was....." (and he trailed off.) A gift so tremendous to my own heart....
As the evening wore on and the pain increased and his lucidity was close to non-existent, he reached over to his wife, and with every ounce of energy he was capable of mustering, put his shaking arm around her head and pulled her to his chest and hugged her for several minutes. It was so tender, so beautiful and such an expression of loving gratitude for her, from him.
In this same time frame, he looked at me, eyes half open and half closed, he asked me if I made bread pudding, which I had done a week before. I said yes and you had some, he said it was so good and wanted more. I told him I will cook it for him anytime he desires. He asked about the bread pudding again several moments later and I realized it was his way of acknowledging the time we had together and how much he loved it.
He had spent the night moaning in pain and twice he had to pee so bad he tried to get out of bed. At this point, anytime his body had any sort of movement, the pain just soared thru his body. Thank god my brother slept at the hospice center with us, cuz I don't know we (including the hospice nurses) would have gotten him re-positioned back into bed. But even that moment, when my brother put his arms around his dad, our dad, put his arms around his only son and hugged him and allowed him to push him back into position on his bed. It really is only this morning do I fully see how my father made sure he got himself into a position to give one last hug to his son.
About 3 am, the wonderful hospice nurses came in to freshen dad up, make him more comfortable in his bed, and I realized, he was no longer in pain. When they pulled his body forward to preposition the pillows, something that just an hour before would have had him moaning in pain, there was no moans at all, just quite appreciation. I said to him, wow, you did really great dad, he let out a single "yeah." A few moments later, his eyes rolled up behind his head and all I could see was the whites of his eyes. Kinda freaky looking...
The hospice nurses said he skin was getting mottled and they have a feeling he may pass sometime this day (friday.) All of our family lives an hour and a half away from where dad was and so my brother and I asked the nurses "about how long does he have left." They said it won't hurt to call everyone now, but they don't need to rush down, but also, don't plan on going to work either.
Linda and my brother were in the hall making phone calls to all the family, I was sitting on the couch in my father's room when his breathing suddenly changed. It was no longer the deep labored breathing, but more like casual breaths that took a whole minute to release. I got up from the couch, walked to his side and held his hand and stroked his hair as the tears rolled down my eyes and I told him I loved him and am sooooo glad we had this time together, three little puffs later, he just stopped and it was over. I looked up at the ceiling, and between tears and smiles, I said I know you there and I told you so!!
I pressed the call button at my dads bedside, the nurse and Linda came into the room to see what was the matter and all I could say was "my dad just died."
The calm. the pure peace and ease of leaving the body, I will hold in my heart forever.
As my brother and Linda were now calling everyone back they just hung up with, I went outside for a smoke. I sat on the bench and felt my father sit next to me. I looked over to where I felt him and seen him in his younger body, healthy and he said "I knew this moment meant so much to you and I wanted to give you that."
I had told him for weeks, I wanted to be there when he passed, mostly so I could tell him I told you so.
He reminded him how to travel in his new light body, at the speed of thought and desire. I watched him in his energy body move from the bench I was sitting on back up to his room on the 5th floor where Linda and my brother were and then back again... he was zipping back and forth with such great joy it filled my heart with so much happiness.
As the family started to arrive and the sun was starting to rise, my niece noticed the sunrise out his window. OMG it was the most vibrant reds and yellows. I had to get some pictures of my fathers sunrise on his new day of Life. I went out to the top floor of the parking garage and took several, the first picture in this sharing is one of those pictures.
I sat back outside to have a smoke and just to feel my dad again, he sent me an energy image... we were back at his house, in his living room, dancing a waltz together. Since I came back here I kept telling dad he needs to get up and dance with me, of course, I knew he couldn't, so I would just wiggle there and tell him he could stand on my feet and I will do all the work, We did get our dance together and he didn't even have to stand on my feet cuz he was rather light on his!!
On that note, I am going to close and will share the rest of the story, tomorrow.
I cannot say thank you enough for holding my heart, filling our world with your love and energy. I am so utterly blessed to have you in my world. Thank you for loving us all thru this transition.
I love you ((((((HUGZ))))