When Reality Shatters...
It's been a really long time, ok maybe a couple of months (smile) since I felt my heart just break to pieces, to feel the life before one of your children shatter a little more, by their own hand!! The one thing that is for certain, for every dark sided event, there is the bright side of it all. To shine a light upon the part of life I have long separated myself from, but yet, know still exists outside the windows of my life. That place I am now calling, the filtered earth! Well, I have discovered quite vividly yesterday, my oldest child is showing us how it works in the accelerated zone, my youngest is really showing how it works in the filtered zone.
At 7am yesterday morning my daughter's roommate texts me and said val hasn't come home that night, he hasn't seen or heard from her in over 24 hours. Most parents start checking the hospitals, I look at the daily police reports. Sure enough, my daughter was arrested on her 4th or 5th grand larceny charge in just over a year. I called the jail, yup she is there and this time, she is not getting bond. She sits inside the little big house (city jail, not prison... yet) until her hearing on Oct 2nd. Her "Rock Girl" dreams shattered, her Jail Bird fear, alive and in her face, in all of our faces.
After I got a hold of myself, at least a bit to start the process of understanding "why," what the hell happened?? The first thing I had to get to is what happened?? Her roommate said they had a great day, did a very successful yard sale, went out and celebrated by going to play at a trampoline place, then take in a movie then back home. She had money, so needing it for her addiction is automatically ruled out. I searched the police reports on line, from the report listed it seems she broke into a car and stole something that is worth $200 or better, creating another felony offense called grand larceny. This freakin crazy and so not my daughter, well, not usually anyway. But at the same time, on bizarre occasions, it is exactly who she is. As I am sitting here, heart shattering for her in a million pieces, watching her stomp all over her present and future, I am begging to understand the why. This doesn't even make sense. Quietly, but loud enough that i could hear it, I hear the word "kleptomania." I have heard and even used this word a lot of times thru the decades of my life, but until yesterday, I really didn't fully understand it. To me, if you're a klepto, you're a thief. Nothing could be further from the truth. I took to the medical websites to understand this more and for the first time, I really feel I have a much deeper, much truer understanding of my daughter. I found a website that really puts kleptomania into perspective:
A person with kleptomania is compelled to steal things. Often the things they steal are of little or no value and the objects they take are not needed for personal use or for their monetary value.
Another aspect of kleptomania involves experiencing tension before the theft and feelings of pleasure, gratification or relief when committing the theft. The stealing is not done to express anger or vengeance, or in response to a delusion or hallucination, and is not attributed to conduct disorder, a manic episode or antisocial personality disorder. Some kleptomaniacs may not even be consciously aware that they have committed the theft until later.
Occasionally the kleptomaniac may hoard the stolen objects or surreptitiously return them. Although someone with this disorder will generally avoid stealing when immediate arrest is probable (such as in full view of a police officer), they usually do not plan the thefts or fully take into account the chances of apprehension. The stealing is done without collaboration with others.
Kleptomania is distinguished from shoplifting or ordinary theft, as shoplifters and thieves generally steal for monetary value, or associated gains and usually display intent or premeditation, while people with kleptomania are not necessarily contemplating the value of the items they steal, or even the theft itself, until they are compulsed. Ordinary theft, as opposed to kleptomania, is deliberate and is motivated by the usefulness of the object or its monetary worth....
...Professionals have not yet identified the causes of kleptomania, but there is evidence linking it with abnormalities in the brain chemical serotonin. Stressors such as major losses may also precipitate kleptomaniac behavior. People with kleptomania often have another psychiatric disorder, often a mood disorder such as depression and anxiety or an obsessive-compulsive disorder. Eating Disorders (anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa) and substance abuse disorders are common in individuals with kleptomania.
Yup, yup, yup. Her last charge that she is still pending a hearing on was because she returned stolen merchandise back to the store it was stolen from. She does have depression (all the females on the maternal side of our tree was gifted with that intense disorder to work thru) and anxiety and substance abuse. What she has been charged with stealing made no sense to me, nothing that she needed ever.
I tried to do my readings yesterday, I couldn't focus or get connected. My daughter's moment was all I could feel and concentrate on. I emailed everyone and rescheduled then plopped on the couch to have a cry and listen to any insight my soul, my team, her team, would share.
I was shown the day priors readings, the intensity of light coming into the forehead, engorging the pineal gland, which of course, affects all the other chemical releasing glands in the body. We are changing chemically first and foremost. Those of us who know what is happening, know how to plop ourselves on the couch and just let it run it course, its hard enough to be in these intense energy changes. You take those who have no clue, which is a lot of more people than us crazy, happy people (smile.) We see erratic behavior. We see young people engaged in mass shootings, crime for that period of time, spikes. Suicides spike. Many things we will never hear about because they don't make the news, spike during those light surges. Imagine the people with fractured wiring in their brains, suddenly receiving intense electrical charges, they do sudden and impulsive things and have melt downs in front of our face for seeming no reason. There is a reason, a very good reason.
Our jobs, whether we can say someone is clueless or not, doesn't take away the responsibility to get a grip, understand and change the erratic behavior and emotional field.
I look back at how I handled the unknowing energies before I started this path and even, shit a year or two into this path. I hit things, usually, my children, or a partner. I don't mean a slap, I mean hit. I have broken more wooden spoons over my kids asses than I can even count. I broke bones in my ex-husbands ankle because I threw a fully loaded hutch on him. I would snap from silly and loving to royal bitch on a dime. It took a lot of inner work to get control of this part of me. There are many mental illnesses out there that much of the medical world would say is unfixable except with drugs. I am proof that is a crock of shit. bipolar, borderline personality disorder (I displayed both symptoms just about all my life) as well as PSTD (I was diagnosed with that.) That same bleak prognosis is given to kleptomania. I say, bullshit!! But a person has got to want to change, to dig deep and take full responsibility for their actions.
And then sometimes, when you just won't look at yourself in the way you need to, the universe conspires to put you in a place that forces you to, or have your mother (smile) force you to. My son was going down a rough path when he broke his leg for the second time in a year. He was couch bound as we raised money to put steel in his calf to hold his bones together. Amazing what the medical profession will not do because you have no money or insurance, like set a broken leg. Since he was couch bound, I put the DVD "The Secret" and "The God Code" in and looped it over and over. He couldn't get up and change the channel lol. I am a sneaky mother!! But it seeped in, and he started to change the way he looked at life, his responsibility within it, and changed it all... over time, little by little. That was 6 years ago and look at his life now.
The two weeks my daughter spent in the little big house a few months back, started that change. I bought her books "We are all doing time" and the "Alchemist" and she started reading them, cuz their ain't much else to do in jail, until she got out. And altho she started to change her focus, her constant complaining and put energy into the direction of "Rock Girl" and actually was succeeding at it... she didn't stop all the negative behaviors/addictions. She didn't even try. So her soul put her in time out again.
This filtered earth ain't no joke. I am realizing there is no lag time there either, except instead of getting the party, you get instantly the penalty of your actions.
What I find even more interesting, and it is not until this morning I really got it. For the last two days, my entire abdomen has been so extremely and visually bloated. The first thing I did was check to see if I gained 5 pounds, nope, actually lost a pound and a half. I was so bloated my shorts were cutting into my skin, what the hell???
Well this morning as I am looking up seratonin, which is what psychologists say is the unbalanced chemical that triggers the kleptomaniac into action. Ha!! From wikipedia:
Serotonin /ˌsɛrəˈtoʊnɨn/ or 5-hydroxytryptamine (5-HT) is a monoamine neurotransmitter. Biochemically derived from tryptophan, serotonin is primarily found in thegastrointestinal tract (GI tract), blood platelets, and the central nervous system (CNS) of animals, including humans. It is popularly thought to be a contributor to feelings of well-being and happiness.
Approximately 90% of the human body's total serotonin is located in the enterochromaffin cells in the GI tract, where it is used to regulate intestinal movements. The remainder is synthesized in serotonergic neurons of the CNS, where it has various functions. These include the regulation of mood, appetite, and sleep. Serotonin also has some cognitive functions, including memory and learning.
My own body, connected to my daughters at the heart, started to create the energy inside my own body so that when yesterday and today presented the information I needed, it would also be displayed for me to really understand personally. And I do, now go away lol.
So with all that said, I have got to give so much honor to my baby girl for giving us all an amazing and intimate view on how the other side of things are working. We are all being asked to share our loving compassion, the wisdom within us on how we got to here, with others. Not in a silent meditation, but actively out loud anyway you can. The situation will present itself on how, your job is to act in that moment.
Things and people are changing rapidly, being hit intensely, assist any way you can, out loud and directive. Compassion, no judgement, no bias, just love and wisdom and most importantly, honor the one(s) that are showing you how you work Now! What you are capable of doing Now. Our responsibility as Divine changemakers is over the top. We Are the living (spiritual) Guides, the living Guardians of this accelerated place called heaven on earth. Be That!! <3
Big big (((HUGZ))) of loving compassion to ALL!!
Lisa Gawlas www.mysoulcenter.com/energy_readings.html