When the Dam Bursts!!
It has been such a long long time since I sprung such emotional leaks. For the last day and a half, I have felt like a sprinkler out of control, but I am gonna blame that on my pesky team! I have been steadily dipping around some information I did not want to hear or process in any way. My team caught me off guard (I am good at blocking stuff I just don't want to hear) on Thursday. My day of readings finished and my afternoon of homework hadn't begun yet and I had a good hour and a half between the two, so I started to lovingly wrap all my works of art with bubble wrap and start packing them away to be shipped. While doing this, and marveling at the beautiful talent, the love etched forever on canvas that was sent to me, my team created a sneak attack. Suddenly I was in a 360 degree wall of energy that there was just no getting out of. Dammit!! And I cried... all the way thru last evening.
I am not going to Florida to move my mother to PA, I am going to make this final chapter of her life a love story. In this wall of energy I could not escape from, I was given a review of the preparation my team has been giving to me: I seen the energy with the very first picture my daughter sent to me with my mother and Rune. I shut that down fast. Her soul showed up at my bedside several months ago, I overcame that because, well, because she is still here. I listen to the energy in her field when she and I talk, very reminiscent of my fathers decline, or maybe better said, softening of his energy field, the closer he got to death. But I had no idea what hers was like before, so I overcame that in my mind. I had this inspiration to check on airline tickets to take my mother to visit PA, her family and friends for her birthday. She has not been back there (PA) for 18 years and she really wants to see everyone again. I know this fixing of her mobile home and sale is going to take longer than she wants to look at, so this may help her a bit as a fix while she waits. Her birthday is Sept 21st, so I thought, what a great birthday present, as I opened up travelocity to check on airfare, everything inside of me said... no... sooner than that. So for some reason I had to trust, I had already booked off of my calendar about 3 days around my own birthday... ok I will look there. Doable. I was reminded of the experience traveling home and hearing the song "When I get to where I am going" and my father's soul and my mothers soul sat inside my body, there were several other things as well, that I just chose to ignore. I don't want to hear this, I don't want to know this. As my team is making sure I am quite aware of what I am doing, I had my Pandora Radio playing in the background, which faded from my ears as my heart just burst into sobs, but it was getting closer to a homework session, I have got to pull myself together and focus. I heard my father's energy say "stay in gratitude" which is what he had filled me with time after time after his passing. Fuck you!! I am not ready to deal with any of this.
As my team started to release this wall of energy, my eyes and ears were pulled to a the song playing on Pandora: Bob Marley's "Knocking on Heavens Door." Bite my freakin ass!! But, of all the things my team pointed out in this hour-long grip, it's the very last song that my heart heard before homework sessions started "She will be loved" by Maroon 5. Every moment since then, when my heart wells up and pours out my eyes, I hear the song title over and over again.
I didn't sleep a wink that night, I finally gave up trying at 2am. I figured if I could write this all out, I will feel better. I got up, put my coffee on, sat down and cried instead of write. Dammit. The strength I had the day prior to keep the damn from fully bursting was no longer present. I cannot write a blog, I am knee-deep in my own processes and my emotional damn burst asunder!
My son called at 6:30am, he needed advise, for me to talk him out of what he wanted to do. Not this mama!! As you know he is an Indy pro wrestler, has been since he was 15 years old (he is now 33.) He is incredibly good at his craft and the folks who run shows in Massachusetts know this and have been booking him. 2 days ago we was given an invitation to wrestle in Fenway Park, the first wrestling show there since the 1960's, this Sunday. There is a huge kids fair happening there as well. But he is supposed to work, he is supposed to make $200 much needed dollars (his life is in financial chaos/change too.) So he asked me what he should do, my team took over and replied as tears just ran down my face:
"Would you stop making your decisions based on money. This is once in a lifetime opportunity and your son is going to love it and remember it forever. Screw the money, do it and have fun!!"
But let's pan that out for everyone. How often do we sacrifice ourselves for the dollar. We miss amazing opportunities because we have to work, because it appears like we don't have the money to do whatever... and we leave golden nuggets of opportunities on the shelf of life because we were busy making money to survive instead of thrive.
Two hours later, my daughter in jail called... jesus christ, can't I just sit here and cry uninterrupted!! I am so emotionally depleted, I have nothing to give anyone. I tried to just say hello to my first appointment, a lady I love so much and I had nothing... nothing at all left in me to give or share, or anything. I pray she doesn't think i was being rude, I just told her I cannot do this or hold a conversation, I rescheduled her to the last day off I have before my house sale. I wrote an email to everyone else on my dance card.
I switched my focus to packing and clearing and stuff. How the hell did I accumulate so much stuff!! I found all my various angle cards, and opened the ones called "The Ascended Masters" and started shuffling the deck and just said ok masters, help me know what to focus on with my mother. The card I pulled was "The Green Man" who the hell is the green man?? lol But the advice was to get out in Nature. That just reinforced what I had already planned to do with my mom, get her out of the house and out into the world, nature, life once again. I remember my father's last weeks, he was absorbing all that he loved in life. I would watch him take in all of nature, etching every detail on his heart.
And I cried. I cried for the immense love I have for my mother, for the times we spent together, for the time we didn't spend together. It really is amazing to me, where we store love. I was hit in so many places by crashing waves that sent tears down my eyes. In my solar plexus, my heart, my lungs, my feet.
There were some things I forgot to get for my house sale coming up on July 1st, plus I ran out of bubble wrap, I headed to the dollar store and it was a much-needed distraction. I plugged in The Keepers of the Garden. He (Phil) was at the part where he remembered being "abducted." As he got deeper into hypnosis he started to talk about how incredibly compassionate and loving the "greys" were. That the abductions were not really abductions just part of the plan, an agreement. I have always known that, it was wonderful to hear him validate it thru his sessions.
He talked about the coming changes, he talked about the ships coming to assist. He said he would participate in this lifetime, in the body called Phil, I kinda got excited. Just reviewing the many many ET connections over the last 2 years and their release of information. I also remembered the several meditations with Gaia recently about our current elections, if they go any other way than feeling the Bern, much will happen. Well...
And the thing that stays in my heart and the forefront of my mind with the "interloper" from the other day... "humanity will be changed over the next three years."
In his hypnosis sessions, Dolores Cannon tried to get dates, timelines, but he repeatedly said that is unknown right now. He had these hypnosis events back in 1983 and 1984... 30 plus years ago. I don't know how old he was then, but add thirty plus years to his age now...
As I was actually getting excited hearing his story and stuff, my team said that is why all is happening now in your world. Things are in radical change and the time with my mother is a gift unto both of us. It will also put me in a place where I can more actively serve. Yay??
Once I got back home, I decided to use the little extra energy to call my mom. I call her every day now, sometimes several times a day. Altho I have told her about all of you already, the love and support you are sharing, I let her know I sent out a lot rent check to her mobile home office, a gift from all of you. She said she cannot even imagine people caring and helping and I simply said no need to imagine mom, you are gonna be center stage of the experience, the true wonders of love. I told her to put a shopping list together of the foods she has loved but has not had the money to buy, cuz we are going food shopping when I get there!! She lit up like a christmas tree, in awe of her changing reality.
She allowed herself to talk about when Michelle and Rune left and how she realized in that moment how alone she was and has been. She said that when you have no one for so many years, you get used to living like that. I explained to her that Michelle loves you so much and that what you are calling depression is your heart yearning to be loved again... and get ready, cuz you may get overdosed!! She will be loved!!!
Right before I passed out for the day (on my couch instead of on my bed) something strange happened. I couldn't breathe, it wasn't an asthma attack kind of inability to breathe, my lungs felt fine, it was more like an inflation from my esophagus thru my throat and inhaling made a really loud noise from the force of air in. I grabbed my handy-dandy albuterol and inhaled... instant release, and then, instant sleep.
Somewhere in my sleep time I was given the understanding that I was purged and had to do this purging before I left not while I was there. When the last ounce of grief was released, a new intake valve was created, hence the bizarre breathing experience and sudden placement into sleep.
I awoke refreshed and new. Thank you dear god. Now I am hoping to see more thru the field as I continue to sort, pack and release between each appointment. I have a long list of emails I just do not have the time or focus to reply to, I will do it when I am on the road. Forgive me for the delay.
Have an amazing day, use this energy for all its worth!! It's potent and must be used or will become an undertow.... just saying!! <3
Big big big ((((HUGZ))))) of loving gratitude to ALL thru ALL!!!
Lisa Gawlas mysoulcenter.com
P.S. I will be getting an email out to everyone that has a pending appointment in July (From July 1st thru July 25th) to let you know, we will be rescheduling. I am hoping (but have no way of knowing, yet) to be back in reading land by July 26th.) I put it here incase my day goes South on me again!!