Our Choices Are All-Ways Forming The Road Before You/Us. Do You Choose From Love or Fear??
If feels like forever since I put out a sharing. It also feels like I have stepped into a living classroom in life. I am learning so much thru each day with my mom, with the collective energies I call, us. This is nothing that meditation or just pondering could ever reveal. It kinda reminds me a little bit of biology class, where you have to dissect what was once a living creature to fully understand how it worked. Well in this case, we are all still living (thank god.)
Since the day I choose to do what I can for my mom, my team has been very detailed in allowing me to see and more so, understand the consequence of choices. Again, we bring back the dismissal that so many people tend to say, "you are exactly where you should be," to which, my team as never agreed and instead always replied "you are where you allowed yourself to be." There is not a straight path put forth for anyone in life, otherwise, there would be no free will and there would be no need for reincarnation to make wiser choices.
My choice of taking care of my mother was always the same, one way or another, it would happen. My choice of getting her to New Mexico intersected and gave another a major choice point (my landlady of course.) When we make choices, no matter how large or small, there are only two real choices, love or fear. Each choice builds more of the road we will travel upon until we get to the next intersection/choice point.
We use the word consequence, which by historical value, often is used with a negative connotation to it, it is not being used in that way, at all.
But before we go to the bigger choices, lets take the seemingly small, mundane choices that are also paving out our ever-changing roadway before us. Being aware of why we make the choices we do, is key and dare we say, essential to this current phase we are all in.
Do you choose to eat something because you love it or because you are afraid of its opposite. (Donut vs carrot lol) My team brings back a huge choice point I had some years ago, something as trivial (one would think) of turning left or right out of my driveway. My inner voice said turn left, I said no, right is the shortest distance. $116 speeding ticket made me see the bigger reality of fear. Dammit. And no, I did not need to experience that, except to teach me to trust in my inner promptings. That is what the fear choice path does, teaches. It is never a punishment and it is always brought on by ourselves. All-Ways!!! When we are constantly making love choices, the road is effortless. That is not to say there are no bumps, but when ya love a good roller coaster ride, you know those bumps have great importance too and they tickle your tummy (solar plexus) instead of evoke frustration (which is simply a block or chaotic energy in the solar plexus, and we just have to clear it, if we desire!!)
So in these last several weeks I have been learning a lot of about the confusion of timeline entanglements. More of my mothers memories are coming back, but she seems to associate everything with her 29th year. I am also learning to discern when she uses her memory loss as a truth or as a convenience. There is also something that I never even thought about as a possible reality, that back in a particular timeline, with this it is distinctly back in 1973 and 1974, I was 11 and 12 years old and the last time I lived with my mother as a child. It was a tumultuous time between us, to say the least. She would leave for weekends and go to Jersey (to visit the sister that now lives a couple of streets over) and completely forget to tell me she was going, leaving me alone for the weekend hoping she is ok. In asking her some innocent questions about that time (like the wall to wall posters on my walls of Donny Osmond and Tony Defranco) she has no memory of our time together. However, she remembers everything else, the man who lived there for a time with us, some other non-relevant to us things, but nothing about us. (a good thing really lol)
Even as we lived that time, it was an unstable timeline. It served more like a bridge, and once that bridge was crossed and the choices made thru each step, the bridge would cease to exist to any of those who had not resolved any conflict on that bridge. For many of us, aware today, we will find these unique bridges within our lives. Of course, unique to your timeline and historical events. (who knew, I had no idea!!)
A couple of weeks ago, I mentioned to my mother a letter I sent her in early 2011 with pictures and addresses of me and all her grandkids and unlike when she is struggling to remember something, she insistently said she never got it, cuz if she did, she would have called immediately. I soooo wanted to believe that. Mostly because I would have realized fully that the 5 year isolation period was part of her plan, her path. But nope, she was at a major choice point intersection that very year.
As I started clearing out more of the containers and lids she has stored in more places than I could ever imagine (trying to ease the change in bit by bit) there was a picture of my grandson with my writing on the back stating this is your great-grandson. Of course my heart broke, she choose the isolation. She choose to really feel the energy of fear, loneliness over love to learn from, because love was not in her energy system. She was very much focused on hate and separation (which is what her family does, she gets it honestly.)
I find 2011 interesting in my own moments. I was living off the grid, in a single wide mobile home set up on the Pajarita desert in S. Albuquerque and was getting ready to shift, move as the weather got hotter and hotter. I would have been ready to move to help my mother, if she would have allowed it (understood from present moment and surely not back then.) Spirit gave her a whole year to make an alternate choice before I became settled in the Jemez January 2012. Whats funny, I even tried moving back to Virginia that year (2011) when I felt it was time to leave NM, I was off by a few states tho lol, I got spit back to New Mexico three months later.)
Something I was feeling and now know for sure, my mother had to have the stroke she had, in order to allow the change that was very much-needed in her life, in her lessons, to happen. I had to smile broadly when I found out when she was actually admitted to the hospital the day she had the stroke: April 15th at 13:13 (her foot doctors receptions was a wealth of information for me!!) That means she was discharged on may 5th, 5/5. Her 20 day stay (duality setting her up for massive change. The time of 13:13 is the ultimate completion. Had she not made the turn to allow us in, that little air conditioner would have been the catalyst to send her Home.
I even learned a little something something about delaying something I was already planning on doing. I waited a few days after arriving in my mother's world to get the gofundme project in play. I already knew that was the only way to raise the funds needed to get the repairs done, but god I hate asking for help (I'm a work in progress too!!) Had I got that project done the moment I got here, as I was supposed to do, we would not have ever had to endure the day and a half in the sauna. But then again, I know for sure that it would have ended her life right then and there. So not only have you helped a soul upon this amazing planet, you saved a life and enriched so many other lives by your loving assistance. Again, thank you just does not cut the inner feeling of gratitude from both of us.
Lets look at the twists and turns that can happen even when we make a choice that is unlike previous choices. Going again to my mothers choice of allowing us to have a relationship again (made possible by my aunts insistence that it is in her greater good to have someone help her, she really wanted nothing to do with me, even still.) As a back up plan, she developed a lump in her left (physical life) breast. I have had cancer, a good friend of mine in the Jemez has breast cancer, so I know intimately what that energy feels like when touched upon directly. She had cancer. Once again, she was at a major choice point. She could choose to be open to love or take advantage of the loving people who suddenly infiltrated her world. If she was just using the energy now surrounding her, we would be having a cancer journey to talk about. Gratefully, she is allowing the energy of love in and that lump is reducing itself and starting to liquefy as the ultrasound that was done when she was going to have her biopsy done revealed. So no biopsy and we have a 3 month follow-up to check on her breasts via a mammogram!! YAY!!
Also, we had a bone density test done, much to everyone's surprise (even her new doctor) her bones are in really good shape. Perfect even. The only area of concern now is her lumbar spine where she has degenerative disc disease and osteoarthritis. Her root and sacral chakras!! Hold that thought for a moment!!
This last week, I was flooded with the exciting feeling... it is time to get an office. Working out of here is just impossible. My mother's deafness has the TV on super loud and the humidity outside is just impossible to sit outside for even 30 minutes and maintain a high connection. I headed to craigslist. I don't need much, just a place to be able to bend over and connect to lol ohhh and quiet!! I found a cheap ($275) office offered by a mobile DJ, I thought that could work. Then I suddenly remembered an inspiration that came, I cannot remember if it was before I left NM, on my drive to FL or after I got here, but I heard my team say to get an office overlooking the water. I was still hoping to be able to work out of the house... ain't happening. The DJ never got back to me and back to craigslist I went the next morning to find another office suddenly available (I didn't see it the day before) of an office overlooking the marina in tarpon springs (where I live.) I am realizing there aren't any real beaches where I live, I would have to travel to clearwater or tampa and the rents get higher there. The marina office was $100 more, but hey, its worth it to have a water view.
I have got to celebrate that this place works just like I do, trust!! No credit check, no reference check just a good feeling that we fit!! I got the office, yay!!!
Let me give you a tour of my emerging holy space:
My body vibrates like there is no tomorrow being at that place. I gotta love the address too, 331 Anclote Isles Marina suite 102. I am also grateful it comes with my own personal mailbox, because the mailman at my moms place sends anything addressed to be, back to sender!! Oops!!
As my soul is revelling in the energy there (and can we say, I am so surrounded by men I have entered my own personal heaven and every day I can honestly declare that my ship has indeed come in!!) something new started brewing in my mother. When I went to the office the second day to get the keys, sign the lease and give the man a check, I stayed there for a few hours, just loving the solo energy of MySelf again. OMG I was jonesing for this more than I realized. To the degree when i got home, I actually had a 99.7 temperature and spent the rest of the afternoon in bed. My mothers mood changed. She was irritated and I have so forgotten what she was like, but much of her old self is peaking back thru. She gets really judgemental to the point of mean when she is irritated. I sent her waves of love and comfort.
When I went back to the office the next day to set some things up, I could feel her energy degrading. Fear was setting back in. When I got back, she was saying how much she didn't feel very well. One of the things I must relearn is how to discern her energy. My mother has been a hypochondriac all her life, when she is in fear of something, she creates symptoms to glean attention. I was in my 30's when i realized this and stopped giving in to her desires. Now, I really have to discern what to be physically diligent about and what to simply send her energy to comfort thru these changes.
She knew I planned on going back to the office yesterday morning and woke up weak and visibly struggling to breathe. She said her arms are weak and she has pain in her stomach area. She refused to go to the ER, so I sat next to her in her bed, hugged and kissed her (checking on her biological field) and reassuring her how much I love her and am so happy to be here. I also sent out a request on facebook to send my mother comforting energy... my next big lesson of the season!!
With all of us sending her comfort, she started feeling more secure. I knew what she was doing was leaning into the remembering and re experiencing being alone, which was depleting her energy and affecting her breath.
Which really shows how powerful memories are. If we continue to go back and align with something of our past, (and many people call it healing) we take ourselves back to that energy and our bodies go for the ride as well.
One of the biggest things we are learning now, in this phase of our collective growth, is how to work as a team. Boy if yesterday was a huge lesson (that I only fully realized this morning.) The last time I wrote a blog, I mentioned that all energies coming to my mother, come into me first and then we send it out to here (strobe light affect) there are some energies that can and will just surround her, like comfort energy, anything higher than that, comes thru me (the transceiver) then emits outwards in waves of light as she can handle it. Some rooms here are purposely void of these direct energies so she can have a place to assimilate.
I started to crash big time as I was at my office. I thought I was getting another energy fever but didn't feel hot. By the time I got home, I was depleted. I had to force myself to stay awake until 6pm so I could skype with my daughter. When our skype session started, everything on her end was filled with lag and pixilation and then 15 minutes in, the securus server completely crashed as did our internet.
This morning as I finally woke up (smile) the way my team showed this experience of yesterday was like being in an operating room with a bunch of surgeons all doing their own thing. We have become so accustomed to doing our own thing, energywise, that we now must learn to work as a group energy or there will be fried energy or should I say, fried transceivers everywhere!! lol
I was hoping to get back to readings tomorrow (Monday) but I crashed before I could even try a connection at my new space, and I am not going anywhere today. It is raining buckets upon buckets out there and these roads flood as easily as they did in New Mexico. However, I will be emailing the first wave of people (those who are waiting for a reading from the end of June) today sometime to get on the schedule. Once I have them pretty much set, the next wave will be emailed (Beginning of July) and then the last set (end of july into august.) Once I have everyone on my calendar, I will open up for new readings too.
There is, as always, so much more to share. But we are leaving it here for today!!
I love you all and OMG I cannot wait to connect and see what we are going to see Now!!
Big big (((HUGZ)))) of love filled choices and joy overflowing to and thru ALL!!!
Lisa Gawlas www.mysoulcenter.com
I find it so synchronistic as I am really getting a bird's eye view and understanding about choices, that this memory from facebook would show up yesterday:
Can't resist adding this one in as well: