Slowly but surely, I am making a path back into my life. But let me tell ya, the energy in this community I am now calling home (absolutely small h there) is like shoveling cement. Thick, heavy and ohh so dense. I woke up two days ago with my whole awakened focus paying attention to the energy hanging in the air (not on purpose, it's just the way I woke up) and it was so still and heavy, oppressive really. Instantly I knew why I had to get my office when I did. Like so many things in life, even our spiritual path is really 20/20 in hindsight and I became grateful I have that place to work from, because working the way we do, from here, impossible. And then came the pesky words I so did not want to hear from our beloved Kryon: Lighthouses are not built in safe places, but where they are needed the most. SHUT UP!! That is not what I want to hear, thank you very much!!
I cannot help but recall the words that jumped out of my damn mouth the first day my mother told me she wanted to put me on the title. She explained that when she passed, I could sell it and get all the money back that was invested in her well-being. I told her, that was not my money, but a world-wide community effort in love and I don't want that money back, but I will stay and live here. I shocked myself with the last 6 words. I don't like this place at all, energetically speaking. lol
The last couple days, between continuing to clear out my mother stuff and focusing back on my life, putting in change of addresses, ordering new checks and return labels for envelopes, OMG my heart is just shattering. I officially know what a plant feels like when it goes into shock by being transplanted. Only, I wasn't transplanted into a healthier environment, instead, I was taken out of fertile soil and put into decrepit sandy soil. Thank god I come packing my own inner nutrients!! lol 33 christed pounds of extra nutrients!! lol Diet time again!!!
I met with two of the board members yesterday, thank you Florida law for protecting my ass!! Much to this communities dismay, they cannot kick me out. Florida law states that of someone in a caretaker role inherits a home in a 55 and above community, they by law, established residence and have full rights to remain. The attorney who did the paperwork for my mother told us that clearly and I know she equally made sure the main man who runs this place knew it too. So I got an ear full of their rules... I can have no traces of weeds near my home. Because my mother was sick for a long time (seems they knew that) she got free pass. No motorcycles allowed in this community at all and there are only a handful of homes designated as dog friendly, mine is not and I am not even allowed to have a visitor with a dog. The one lady explained to me, that she had a friend come with a dog and the dog stood in the car. So the dog can stay in a hot car outside the house, but not in a cool house. Alrighty then!!
I can so see why my mother loves this place, suddenly so much is making sense to me. The superficial beauty is the only thing that is cared about here. My mother was exactly like that too, see my outer perfection, but don't come peeking too deep...
I mention twice in this little meeting about getting a wellness committee together, explaining twice how I found my mother and her home. I was ignored both times and the subject instantly changed. That's ok... I have nothing but time on my side now. Especially since they have this odd rule that you must own your home for 2 years before you can rent it out. Weird.
There are some perks to living here, I am only about an hour away from Disney and with two grandsons who will LOVE doing Disney and universal, well that alone is a good reason to have this place. I own the land and mobile home free and clear so I only have to pay monthly maintenance fees that include basic cable, water, sewer, trash and lawn care. That's kewl, I can't rent a place with all that for the $210 a month it costs.
Yesterday and this morning I am reminded of a quote from Neale Donald Walsch I put on my facebook a few days ago: “It is okay to be at a place of struggle. Struggle is just another word for growth. Even the most evolved beings find themselves in a place of struggle now and then. In fact, struggle is a sure sign to them that they are expanding; it is their indication of real and important progress. The only one who doesn’t struggle is the one who doesn’t grow. So if you are struggling right now, see it as a terrific sign — celebrate your struggle.” ― Neale Donald Walsch
I am struggling to find my footing, my place in this new landscape. I am both grieving and going thru transplant shock at the same time. I am in gratitude and awe of all that has transpired, not to mention the enormous world-wide support, love fest that allowed these 3+ months to transpire with dedicated focus to my mother. I live each day now, overflowing with tons of emotions I have not felt in a very very long time, some, not at all.
I woke up this morning KNOWING that even tho this is the a place I would have never chosen for myself to live, it is exactly where I must be Now. I have said this a million times thru so many readings over the years "you don't have to like where you are, but you should honor it and delve deeper into why you are there." I'm delving!! Selling this place is not an option, never has been. Equally tho, as I am seeing right now... the last 5 years in the Jemez was intensely important. I grew unencumbered with the highest of energies and the love of the Guardians of Shambhala. I attracted you to me and me to you. Thru our connections and communications we created a brand new collective that is alive and flourishing on this amazing earth. And now... the true work begins... (whatever that may be.)
I do want to mention something odd, bizarre (to me) even. Since my mother's passing on the 3rd, every single day between 4-5 pm, my body becomes drained of energy. Like someone pulls a plug and empties me out every day at that time. I could barely stay awake. Maybe it's my team flushing the toilet each day lol. I don't know, but it has been consistent.
At least this morning tho, I woke up with the Light of excitement shining thru. It's been awhile since I woke up feeling this way. It's a good thing too, we start reading again on the 15th... I am so excited and so freakin nervous all at the same time!! I think we are rounding the time to have a house lighting party too. I am amazed at how many of you live close by... Maybe November we can conspire towards that!!
Well, on that note, I found a metaphysical store near by that opens at 10am. I am going to go stand in the midst of some crystals and re-energize myself. Sadly I left so many of my crystals (and all my shoes, pots and pans and other things I wanted to bring with me) in the Jemez.
I love you all so much. Again, I thank you for taking such good care of my soul and my mother's soul (and our bodies too lol) thru this life changing time. We would have never done so well, so beautifully and gracefully all that needed to be done, without each and every one of you.
See you in the field soon!! (((((HUGZ))))) of wonder and bliss to and thru ALL!!
Lisa Gawlas www.mysoulcenter.com/bookreading.html
P.S. My daughter Valorie's beloved cat Fenix passed away yesterday. Please send my daughter loving comfort, this is going to break her heart and she is stuck in jail to deal with the emotions. Fenix has been a part of our lives since 2004, born in Idaho, moving to Iowa and then finally Virginia with us.