My Ascension Story!!
By Lisa Gawlas
Ever since I opened a very sleepy eye to this crazy little thing called "my spiritual awakening" everyone talked about "ascension." The planet is doing it, we are doing it, Christ did it... huh? Christ? But he died!!! Altho I have spent most of my life (at least from age 13 forward) trying to get out of body and go back Home, I wasn't so sure that was the trip I wanted to take any longer. Moving thru the levels and layers of meditation was actually making "this life" pretty exciting. So I figured I would just ignore the whole ascension gig and just do my bathtub journeys and renew my life's understandings and experiences.
Believe it or not, meditation was my saving Grace. Meditation was my life's motivation to wake up and do another day on earth. The days rushed forward into months like a river which just received a torrential downpour of heavenly liquid. The months collapsed into years... I truly believe that the caterpillar has no real awareness of the amazing butterfly that will one day emerge from its very own lifecycle. Nor do we humans.
You and I could and probably should be very envious of the caterpillar. It does not sit around thinking... 'oh but I have to give up so much". "I have to go into a sort of suspended animation (the cocoon - my Vermont) and change..." No, the caterpillar has no self-aware consciousness. It does what it's own heavenly inner biology tells it to do. Us Humans, we have consciousness. We can choose to change, or not. We can choose to let go of one lifestyle... or not. Free Will - treacherous!
I think somewhere deep inside of me, I really had the DNA of a caterpillar. I had no real clue where I was going or what I was doing. I simply continued to move forward. Sometimes gracefully, but most of the time, stomping my feet, waving my fists in the air and releasing fitful breaths of air from within. But, I couldn't stop.
Each breath of meditation I would inhale, took me deeper into myself. The first amazing change was the calming of the battlefield I used to call my mind. As my mind calmed, the illnesses that plagued both my mind and body ceased to exist. A connection to life started to weave its way thru the core of my heart. I developed an amazing trust in the "unseen" world of spirit. Ahhhh, but you already know all this. I have told my "story" many times in many ways thru my website, podcasts and in anything I have ever done before. What I have not really shared yet, is my ascension story, how I died in this lifetime without ever leaving the body and rebirthed myself into a whole new life. So here now, is my tangible story of what moving thru ascension really means. One that perhaps you can wrap your heart around, and move thru yourSelf.
Anyone who says that awakening to your true divinity is easy and effortless... has not really been thru the journey! The awakening is designed to pull the very fabric of your self-imposed, self-imprisoning" belief systems from the core of your Being. Letting go of the myriad of false beliefs is painful, painstaking in attempt, and incredibly freeing beyond human comprehension. The moment you let one false reality go, there is yet another one already knocking on your door to be set free. Each release comes with a massive "test" from the universe to see if you not only "get it" but now "live the new understanding." It requires you give up any sense of self (small s here... the human sense of self.) This journey requires years of programming be undone by unseen voices that assure you, YOU ARE NOT WHO YOU THINK YOU ARE, and push you even further!! Of course, we all-ways have the choice to stop there, or go ever forward.
For my own personal journey, that meant releasing family that no longer served my higher good (of course, I really didn't know that then, I just did what felt right for me at the time). It meant giving up every aspect I considered "me" right down to the furnishings of my home.... every picture I hung on the wall, every Kodak captured moment of my 3 children... just gone. Over the course of 2 years, the only thing that remained intact in "my life" was my youngest child. I wish I could tell you I let it all go with Grace and style... I assure you it was removed as I kicked and screamed and cried gallons and gallons of tears. But... I also choose to let it go, it always must be YOUR CHOICE. This is not a journey of forced agenda. Spirit, God Creator, whatever word you use... loves you so much and would never ever make you go to a place you do not want to go... not even if it is filled with wonder and infinite joy. Can you imagine loving your children so much that you would never inflict your will on them!!
I didn't know it then, but for all you endure, for all you are willing to "let go and let God"... amazing rewards await your embrace. The whole universe celebrates in You!! In February 2002 I was given what I think I shall call right now, a Graduation Gift. In the 15 months I had been fully on my path of awakening, re-membering, I had to release a lot. I traveled thru the Salvation Army Homeless Shelter, sent my oldest daughter back to Texas (she was only 17) and left my precious son in jail (what can a mom do when she is homeless lol... that was his transformation center, but also, that is a whole other story.) By this time, I let go of so much, I couldn't even tell you who I was any longer. The only thing that I was sure of, is I still had in my embrace my 11 year old daughter.
After I was given a 5 day notice to vacate the Homeless Shelter (I still have to laugh at being kicked out for helping someone), my daughter and I set up home in a really low budget motel in Virginia Beach (I loved this place... you can really look at life from a really different perspective when you are on the bottom looking up, as opposed to at the top looking down. I suppose I really started to understand how and why Jesus so loved "the least of my children." I was falling in love with drug addicts, check bouncers and the lot of "seedy" people. I never kept my daughter away from them... they were wonderful in their hearts. We talked, shared tears, shared hope... and shared genuine love of God together.... and then one day, the rest of my life would change.
I am going to make a long story a little longer by adding this tid-bit. I know I shared it elsewhere on my website, but I have to share it again here... it is integral to this story. All I wanted from this path that was painful and wonderful... was to meet my "mentor". I found him online in Feb. 2001 in a spiritual chatroom and we became instant friends. He lived in Sydney Australia and quickly became my lifeline to understanding the massive amounts of wonder and pain I was experiencing via meditation. I loved him so incredibly much, and would ask my "spiritual team" every single day for well over 6 months "I want to meet him." Knowing that between he and I we barely could scrape 50 cents together, I felt the whole meeting situation was rather bleak... but I challenged the universe every single time I went into meditation. I told them (yeah I could be a bit demanding... perhaps that's the Leo in me lol) I wanted them to use their magic and dry up the two oceans that separated us so we could meet! They had always assured me that "when the time is right, I will meet him." Like I believed that!
Eventually, as I started to grow and change... meeting him no longer mattered as much as it did. I still wanted it very much, but, I no longer started each meditation demanding it. Instead, I was hanging on for dear life with all the "letting go" I was go thru!!
And then, one incredible morning as I went into my bath meditation, I had what I still refer to as my "God Meditation." To read this meditation just simply click on this sentence. Within two hours from this meditation, my beloved mentor came on the computer with some miraculous news. I knew he was scheduled to go on a business trip in about 2 weeks to find a manufacturer for his "idea." This business trip (completely paid for by "investors" that believed in him) that would take him from Sydney to S. Africa to meet with potential manufacturers, then to Finland to another potential partnership, then to Hong Kong as a layover on his journey back to Sydney. He came on the computer amazed and excited to tell me there was a sudden change in his flight itinerary... that instead of laying over in Hong Kong like planned, his layover was now changed to an airport in New York City. HUH???????????
I had a tiny little globe (about 2 inches around) that I kept near me, and I looked at the flight change... why on earth would any airline detour someone half a world out of their way? I was boggled and in disbelief... he had said he was going to find out if he could make his 3 hour layover in NYC into a 5 day layover without penalty. Sure enough!! Holy Cow Batman... in 2 weeks, all my dreams will be coming true. Holy Cow, how does that happen? Who cares at this point... I cried for the next several days with more joy and more wonder than I thought was humanly possible. Our 5 days together is a story within itself. (click here to read some of that adventure. sorry for some replication, these pages are not written in the same day, or even month!! lol)
While my beloved was with me in Virginia Beach, I got news from the motel I was staying in that as of May everyone must move out. HUH?? Why... well seems some religious group rents the motel for the entire summer... and all residents must vacate to make room for the religious. A wonderful and dear friend who was holding my hand (and I hers) thru this crazy spiritual journey since the beginning, offered me and my daughter the opportunity to stay at her camp in Vermont. She warned me it was humble (more humble than the efficiency that my daughter and I were sharing?? lol) and had no electricity... and a generator powered shower. Hmmmmmmm. I have never been one for camping... at ALL! I was a city girl thru and thru as was my 11 year old daughter!!
When I mentioned this to my wonderful mentor who was sharing the same air as I was... he said how could you say no? That it sounded perfect for my life's journey. Of course, I also had no other options at that point too. I decided to get excited about the "camp" and the incredibly cold Vermont... wish I could say my daughter got excited with me...she cried all the way there.
The Change ~ my cocoon - Shedding one life and Emerging into another.
I arrived in Vermont on May 17th 2002. Snow was falling from the sky and I wondered how I will ever endure such a place. As I got closer to my destination (Tunbridge Vermont) I could feel my chakra's opening and expanding in a way I had never experienced before. There was such a feeling of being Home that washed over me... and stayed! I couldn't believe how excited every cell of my body was becoming as I arrived at this make shift camp. It was an old barn from the late 1800's that my friend and her husband had intended (22 years prior) to remodel into a home. They put in a bathroom (thank God) but to my dismay, NO BATHTUB only a shower!!! There was a kitchen area with awood stove and a gas stove... but the walls never got sheet rocked, so it was very much like living in a half completed home. Ahhhh the very reflection of myself!! This was all nestled on the side of a mountain (of course Annie always insisted it was a hill not a mountain. By the way, Annie was the angel who let me expand in this place.... along with her husband Wayne.
As this wonderful, loving and testy universe so graciously does... I was being pushed wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy beyond my comfort zone. First of all, I had no bathtub!! How on earth am I going to meditate?? I have never not really done it without my trusty bath! Not only that, I was being prompted to build a medicine wheel. Like I even knew what that was! Yeah, sure I heard of medicine wheels, but had no clue what it really was, and sure didn't know how to build and use one. Like spirit even cares about that!
This camp was nestled on 33 acres of pure heaven. I could see forever from the 3 massive sliding glass doors that made up the walls of the front and side of this barn/camp. About 25 feet from the camp was something that will change the way I look at life for ever. There was this beautiful quartzite rock formation that overlooked the valley of Chelsea and Tunbridge. This energetic rock was probably about 1.5 feet high, 3 feet wide and about 2 feet in depth. Just behind it grew a bush. Annie told me it was a Barberry bush. It was hard to tell what it was since it was still snowing on this day and the bush was still donning its skeleton features of winter.
Annie had also told me that this bush tends to grow over the rock and completely hides it, so they cut it back every year. I don't know what happened to me as she shared her bush cutting story with me... but something I could only relate to as horror soared thru my body. You do what to this bush?? She assured me the bush didn't mind at all... I am feeling like it does mind... A LOT!! (We can really talk ourselves into "false" beliefs just to make ourselves feel better.) Where was this feeling coming from? I sure as heck never had this experience before. How could I feel a bush? Perhaps the better question is, how could a bush know we are talking about it? No, how could I feel the anxiety of a bush hearing about itself being pruned back? Was this even possible?
Annie and Wayne spent the first weekend there at the camp with me... to help me get aquatinted to my new "rustic and primitive" feet.
I got my very reluctant daughter registered for school, found the place where I could get food stuffs and fire wood and embarked on a journey I would never be able to forget (nor do I ever want to). The only time I left the side of this mountain for the first 3 months was to replenish our food supply or to make a trek to the local library to update everyone on what was happening to me... and that I had not yet died, or so I thought anyway!
Transformation is so subtle you don't even know it is happening.
It is only from this current perspective, having already walked many many miles to get to this current destination that I finally realize where I had traveled to... and from. I didn't know it at the time... but the 8 month (it was only supposed to be 3) mountain side adventure was the place that shed my life as Lisa the Chaotic (smile) into the embodiment of Spiritual Love and Hope.
I sat at the feet of a Barberry Bush and talked to it as if it was human. I asked if it wanted to be pruned, it said no. I asked if there was any way it could possibly grow up, backwards and sideways, just not over the rock... and it said yes, if I promised to feed its roots. I thought... I can do that, altho I can't tell you I believed that it would be compliant, I was just excited about the potential.
I fed it my coffee grounds every day, added in whatever leftovers we had, sat and prayed at its feet and gave thanks for talking to me. I shared many a sunrise in the presence of the bush and the rock... learned about the meaning of co-operation and co-munication together with my new friend the bush.
I will never forget the day when Annie and Wayne came to the camp for a visit. I think it was in September. Wayne looked outside the camp to see this Barberry bush flaming red. He asked, quite puzzled, what is that on the bush? Ummmmm lots of berries? I said more questioning than stating anything. Its a berry bush.... what else would you expect. He had said in the 22 years he had owned the camp that the bush never produced a berry. Well dah!! If you keep pruning it.....! Sometimes, life just wants to grow!
But even more amazing was the fact that only one single limb reached over the rock. as if to hug it, or perhaps to protect it, or maybe even both. The rest of the bush grew up, backwards and sideways, but not over the rock. How did I not realize that until Sept.? I think both Annie and Wayne were simply speechless...
The medicine wheel, well who knew! There is no way for me to detail the experiences that was shared with me over the course of the 8 months I lived at the camp and walked my wheel... prayed my wheel.... loved my wheel. But I can tell you that I was soon gifted two "Native American" spirit guides that would eventually help me build and use this wheel. It was my transformational wheel of life.
My Native American spirit guides told me in a tongue I didn't understand, yet somehow did... how to rake the clearing for the massive (I bet it was about 40 feet in diameter) medicine wheel, the chants to sing as I raked and cleared. The intention to set down, the love to bring forward... the sacredness of Being.
I learned to pray before entering the circle, and before invoking the spirit of each direction. I learned to infuse the directions into my cellular being... and walk a circular path of love to my Center.
I remember a day when just before heading out to do my morning wheel time, spirit asked me to get naked. Huh????? Me, go outside..... naked!!! It didn't matter that the closest neighbor was a good 1/2 mile away and that all the kids were in school and that no one would come to my neck of the woods at all... naked?? In front of God and everyone.
Can I tell you I paced inside the camp for close to 2 hours. I sooo try to do everything spirit asks of me, even (which is most of the time) when I don't understand it at all... go naked outside and in my wheel? That was just weird!
I eventually swallowed hard, took off all my clothes except for my trusty and needed flip-flops and dared to walk outside. I felt like the entire universe was looking at me. I realized how naked I was... so much more than being without clothes on.... there was nothing left to hide. I was more exposed than I have ever allowed myself to be, in all of my life.
There are no secrets when you have no clothing on.
I walked sunwise starting at the East and invoking guidance from the Spirit of each direction, as I did every time I was in my wheel... ending in my "power center" which consisted of a wonderful rock large enough for me to sit on. My power center was was enclosed in a circle within a the outer wheel. I always prayed to God, my higher Self and the earth in this sacred place. On this day, as I sat on my rock and did my invocations as I was utterly aware that my naked buttocks could feel the coolness of this rock, I watched as a mist raised up out of the ground and completely engulfed only my inner circle. It never made its way into the outer circle and raised up about 2 or 3 inches from the ground.
I watched with amazement... and felt the presence of God Himself in my humble little circle (which was only about 3 feet in diameter). There was communication, the words have long left my memory bank... but the event that came thru the communication is forever etched upon my heart. In what I can only describe as the Holy Union of Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine took place on this day. They merged within me... they merged as me. It was on this day my new life started to emerge.
There was a sense of wholeness... completeness... that I had never experienced before. The love and wonder that radiated from my every moments hence forth would be the building blocks of my new life. Of course, I knew none of this then... it is only now, from this current moment in time, that I can tell you what really happened on that mountain side in Vermont. And even that... is only barely and quite humbly.
Let me ask you something.... what are you willing to give up.... in order to receive??
Ascension is about leaving your old life, just like in the death process. But before you can truly move thru the death process while still very much in your body, you MUST let go of everything you think is you. Every belief... every concept... every way of being... and yes, even friends and family.
How could you possibly be re-birthed if you still cling to the old?
Trust me, some of your family will catch up with you in your new life, perhaps even a friend to two or three. For me, it was simply my son and my youngest daughter that moved forward with me. My youngest because she didn't have a choice, my son because he silently wanted what I had - Peace on all levels of living. And I have watched him... let so much go!!
I will close (for now) on that note. I will continue the rest of the story soon, and then get this all organized into an easy to find and read saga (smile).
I love you so much, so incredibly much...